Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Overheard on the Bus 1st Edition

So as part of my car free diet, I’ve been taking the bus to and from DC to Hampton to visit my boyfriend and my Hampton girls. Overall, I must say that it's not terrible, however I mean the bus does stop and pick up from Hampton…and all of the trash that goes along with it. Don’t get me wrong, I like Hampton but the cream of the crop does NOT live there. I mean, at least I don’t physically have to deal with the traffic or the cost of the gas to and from, and it's nice not getting road rage and screaming at the other drivers like I normally do. The bus is crowded and mostly full from DC to Richmond but the hour from Richmond to Hampton is pretty nice, I usually get the seat to myself. However, the traffic getting into Richmond to drop off people by the train station is literally stop and go because of traffic. And then of course the normal Friday night traffic, sometimes I get in after midnight which is exhausting. It takes about 5 hours for me to get from Hampton to home in my apartment because the bus itself is 4 hours and then because of weekend construction on the metro lines it takes me about another hour to get home. If I stopped being so cheap I’d get a cab home…but then again that’s the whole reason I’m taking the bus…because I’m too cheap for a $150 parking pass and then the cost of gas.

So anyways, on to the reason I wrote this post. I wanted to keep a running log of all the things I hear on the bus. This shit is CRAZY I tell you, straight fuckin’ crazy. Two weeks ago I had to listen to this ghetto lady talk, no scream, into her cell phone from Richmond to Hampton…a whole freaking hour’s worth. In case you needed further clarification, no one needs to know or wants to know about so and so losing their virginity to their cousin (ew first cousin sex!!!!) And then how slut girl called cell phone girl a skank. PRICELESS. WOW.

And then last week I watched this guy try to pick up this other chick on this bus:

Dude: “Yo…do you ride this bus often?”

Girl: “Yeah I ride this bus down to Hampton to visit my boyfriend.” (You’d think he’d have gotten the hint from that, but sadly, no)

Dude: “Oh really. Where do you live? What do you do?”

Girl: Blah Blah Blah- I don’t remember what she said here.

Dude: blah blah blah, he blabbed something else “I just graduated Hampton and I’m going to be a pro football player.”

Girl: “So what do you plan to do if you don’t make pro-football?”

Dude: “Nah, I’m straight up going to make it. Let me get your digits if you catch this ride often.”

She obviously couldn’t give him the wrong number because he had his phone out and was literally going to call her so she could have his digits too. Wow. You just can’t make this shit up. Highly entertaining until the ghetto grates on your nerves at 11pm at night and you’re exhausted and you just want to get off the moving bus that sometimes gets me car sick. Ugh.

Gag. Ew and I sat next to this girl one time who literally smelled like B.O. I mean, I know it's 90 degrees outside but wear some freaking deodorant!!!! Hahahah and there was this one time I watched this like 40 year old man watch the Sponge Bob Square Pants movie. Wow. Classic.

Sometimes I think it might be worth the $33 dollar one way tickets on the train hahahaha. Almost. Give me some time, I might have to change over.

I mean, this craziness doesn’t just apply to the bus…I’ve seen some crazy shit on the metro too. I was riding up the mile long Rosslyn station escalator (no joke, it really does seem like it. On the way down you kind of feel like you’re descending down in to the depths of hell…well, actually you could equate the metro to hell, so there you go I guess...but I digress). Well, this asian dude was riding down, holding up a piece of paper screaming to anyone who would listen that he got an A on his final. Seriously?!?!?! Wow. And then, get this…I saw a blind guy on crutches?!?!?! WTF? Man, that sucks. Wow. I mean that’s really sad, but I mean I guess it happens. I felt so sorry for him, he obviously had his walking stick sticking out of his backpack and then he was walking super super slow and cautiously. I mean, that really sucked. I wish I could have helped him…but really, what could I have done?

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